# How to Reduce the Number of Everyday Conflicts in a Relationship

It is completely impossible to avoid domestic conflicts in a couple, but there are two ways to reduce their number: first, to initially discuss the norms and rules of the way of life, and second, to pay special attention to dates and spending leisure time together at the moment when everyday life becomes routine, Vera Nikishina, director of the Institute of Clinical Psychology and Social Work at Pirogov University and psychologist, told "Gazeta.Ru".

When people are just beginning to build and develop a relationship, they are primarily focused on the emotional and sensory component. During this period, details and specifics — habits, attitudes, domestic norms — usually take a back seat, as they are overshadowed by the romantic aura. However, it is precisely these small things that will soon become the main substance of life together and the cause of domestic conflicts that can destroy the relationship.

"The emotional atmosphere, of course, will not disappear, but it will undergo significant transformation. The question of whether life experiences, habits, and views align or clash will inevitably come to the forefront. If these aspects do not align, they will very likely become the cause of hidden or overt conflicts. In this regard, at the start of a relationship, it is advisable to discuss and determine the degree of alignment on key points: values, habits and attitudes, as well as the norms and rules of the way of life. It is important to determine for yourself (and better yet — together) what the priority of each possible mismatch is," the psychologist explained.

For example, if maintaining order and cleanliness in the home is critically important to one person, while the other is accustomed to chaos and disorder, contradictions in life together are practically guaranteed. If the parties do not establish common agreements at the initial stage and do not follow them, the outcome of such a relationship will most likely be pessimistic.

"In addition, it often happens that when the emotional aura of a relationship transforms — when the intensity of feelings diminishes and everyday life becomes routine — people develop a subconscious need to bring back that 'spark.' They try to compensate for this need through artificially created conflicts. Anything can become a reason for a quarrel: dirty dishes, scattered socks, or any other domestic trifle. That is why it is important to immediately understand the cause of the conflict — perhaps it is a lack of romance in the relationship," the psychologist noted.

According to Nikishina, in any conflict, it is necessary to clearly understand the cause of the disagreement. To do this, one can answer three questions: is the conflict a consequence of a lack of emotional substance in the relationship, or has the conflict itself become the only way to feel the intensity of passions, or is the root of the problem in the inconsistency of ideas about life together, which manifests itself in incompatible habits, attitudes, and stereotypes, preventing the building of a relationship based on mutual understanding and mutual respect.